From my Diary:
2016 06
29 10h54
Petals
Vol. 2 Stopping Over (or something) or this is in fact Illumination.
Illumination
I came
back to this composition now and could suddenly understand all about my
perceptions during July 2014 at Ibla, Sicilia. All the music that was around
from morning till night created a new awareness. I felt home but not quite “at
home”. (Some of the ‘people factor’ that pisses me off)
Music
was one with me in a way I couldn’t fathom at the time. I heard music when it
played and I heard music when it was not playing. It was as if something
ancient inside me was stirred. I could ‘see’ things as if it was some time warp
into the past.
It was
tough to look for the sounds I heard from long ago and I remember so well the
sound of water flowing underneath this old town. Sweet water from the dolomite
banks, similar to what I remembered from Otavi, Namibia. I always stopped at
this town when I passed, to fill up my containers with Otavi’s water; it was my
favourite to brew my java.
I
remember the urge I had to record footage of the water from the ferry boat trip
once I was back at Norway from Scicilia. The first part of “Illumination” came
on 18 July 2014 and the second part six days later while I was at Ibla. Somehow
it had some relation with the water but I could not understand it much.
This
past month of June with all the water talks, Ocean Month and next month’s input
to cleaning the rivers in South Africa, found me at times in a feverish hurry
to know more how people see water and feel about it. Water is the greatest
music to my ears and always calmed me for as long as I remember. The greater
part of my childhood days I lived next to water…..
It was
aggravating, annoying and terribly frustrating to see how few people really
care about the most beautiful natural liquid crystal. But I am also happy that
there are groups, organizations and individuals who do care and make it their
business to promote the wellbeing of water.
All
rivers, lakes and seas are the widest and greatest path to anywhere, passengers
on and in the waterways include human beings and is the oldest path on our
planet.
On the
23rd “Finding” came to me. Somehow a lot of arguments exploded in
this composition. I was a bit pissed off by being ordered around by others who
don’t seem to be organizing well enough. But what I learned was that ‘speaking’
in music, I would get calm very soon. I didn’t need to run water over my hands
or go for a swim. Music also does it for me.
When I
now analyzed the tracks during this period, I got back to “Prayers with Santa
Maria Maddalena”. I see the big picture now. As it was in the “Revelations”
sequence of “Peyals: The Journey” (Symphony No. 2) the same revered sounds are
contained, though not with the exact same melody.
This
very old little Chiesa of Santa Maria Maddalena at Ibla kept drawing me and one
day when I could not get around to some silent music I heard somewhere, I went
to pray there. Of course, I needed that solitude - I forget to open my heart to
Great Maestro and leave the matter to HIM. And now, nearly two years later I
get the answers. I would have had it sooner if I took solitude straight away
instead of trying to find answers on my own. When I listened to HIS voice
during the time my second symphony happened, HE revealed a lot to me and the
clarity was spectacular. That is the only reason why I could compose 11
movements within such a short time.
Seven
days after “Finding”, the truth about FACTS in some very difficult choice I had
to make, came to me, confronting me with the child’s life (“Spirit of the
Child” Symph 2) which I thought was just a random song that came in-between but
it is not. A lot of this round of Petals ARE in fact based on earlier
experiences and “Mama, you chose, not I” which happened on 31 July 2014 in a
flash.
Then
during September and in a timespan of four days “Weeping Willow”, “Outside Me”
and “An Autumn Leaf Blew Past” happened. It was with “Outside Me” that the
puzzle came back very recently. This track somehow called me back. Something
was triggered and I became terribly edgy and anxious, not realizing what is
happening to me. And now, listening to “Illumination” the whole picture falls
together like an avalanche.
“Weeping
Willow” and “Outside Me” are very old poems, a music that existed for many
years before I could even imagine how to express it. During the revelations of
my second Symphony, “Old Tree also celebrates Spring” I experienced a joyous
occasion of seeing all the magnificent life that popped from the tears of the
child, which had its origin from the poem “Weeping Willow” which was a sad one
to get back to. But I didn’t get the connection at the time and with “Outside
Me” which followed, it rather became something to pack away. Too sad.
Yet,
that same day after finishing “Outside Me” on 11 September 2014, “An Autumn
Leaf Blew Past” http://youtu.be/4LsxT3XIUoQ just popped right in, which was how
I felt. A useless dried out old leaf BUT as I composed that song, I realized
also the life I served and still shall serve, and it became meaningful.
Phew.
What a journey and then the illumination. But I feel much better now that I pen
this down and its quite an eye opener to see how and where these pieces all
happened.
I’ll
give it a few days’ rest and see if there was more. This took a chomp out me so
suddenly, my anxiety level shot right through the ceiling the past 30 minutes……
Back at
15:24
Shortly
after writing the above, it struck me that I ‘disguised’ the actual instruments
that act my story by using totally different ones. I was most probably hiding
something from myself; I recall telling myself that it was my experience by
seeing how performers play music instruments, that pushed me to use different
instruments than what I originally used composing these pieces about my real
life journey in music.
I must
be honest with myself, that it was not the case. I learn some things like the
gizmos & stuff on the internet and in any case apply that which I learn -
many times as I compose I research what an instrument can do and what not. But
then I would in any case not worry too much about it, and still continue
creating the way it sounds okay for me. I just need to know what ‘signs’ to
give the little people in my digital orchestra.
So then,
I caught myself with my hand in the cookie jar and lied to myself about which
cookies I picked. I enjoy all of them.
I was
only avoiding piano because of the sad side of having been denied to continue
having piano lessons when I was 13. But I enjoyed that one year – and it came a
bit through in “Illumination” and I made peace with piano, and shortly after I became
totally inspired by someone whom I’ve never met and “pax deinde venit” was born
as a remembrance of the end of WWII. (Contained elsewhere at my blog) http://mymusicaljourneys.blogspot.com/2014/08/inspirations-pax-deinde-venit.html
Although
“pax” has a totally different rhythm, which I thought to take a shot at when I
noticed a competition based on the Morse code “irini” (which means peace) and I
remembered all the tales papa and others told me about that terrible war, it is
in fact part of the illumination that I experienced. I should actually include
it as a bonus track should I get so far as to release and album of my third
Symphony.
At first
I simply called the piece “peace” but as it flowed, I realized it was from the
moment the first peace messages were sent out and suddenly my spirit ended up
at a time and places during a dark night almost seventy years ago, continued
flying further, experiencing the folks…. This was a most romantic composition
which I enjoyed and I really gave gas with the digital piano with the digital
player happy to abide.
“pax
deinde venit” http://youtu.be/5ov4Ukj8vE4 came to me at 20:01 the evening of
11 August 2014. Afterwards I made a bigger orchestra to play with the little
digital piano player.
Other
pieces that flowed since July 2014:
My first
“Sonatina” “Moods of a Composer” in five movements. http://youtu.be/iWDojTsdfC0 I was
totally pissed off at a remark that I must decide when my music has to stop
which is bullshit. One cannot tell just half a story….
This
left me: 01 – Spooked; 02 – Chargrined; 03 – Reduced; 04 – Prepared; 05 –
Fugued (with the latter adapted word, rather admitting that if I’m considered
as being ‘fucked up’ so be it – I couldn’t care a shoot because I do how and
what I do to speak my music stories)
After this
session I felt fantastic! I went on to produce a little comic strip for more
satisfaction, using a photograph of the person but then redid it to rather hide
anything recognizable in case a new fight would begin. End of a chapter is end
of a chapter. I composed five of them, terribly short.
In a way
I can now also understand “Three Frogs in a Pond of Wine” – this began on 19
September 2014 and I had no clue what it was until I did playback. There I saw
the stages of chaps getting drunk, and their stories and eventual aggressive
arguments until the ‘wine’ is finished. I still recalled a scene from way back
during the 1980’s of a drunk man attacking me. His previous attack landed me in
hospital but this time I was ready. I immobilized him and didn’t care to look
back. I had to get his small son out of that house for he would have taken it
all out on the little boy. He had his drunk pal with him at least. But he was
fine and very friendly the next day.
And it
all began with the sweet waters from the Ibleian mountains of Scicilia which I
could hear under the soil and pavements of Ibla. Right there already under the
shadow of the “Mountain of the Fireflies”.
I did
say that water calms me, I recreate ‘water’ in my music and save these precious
liquid crystals. I have a raging fire at times when I compose, and the little “Sonatina”
taught me how much music brings me back to the good old me when I throw a
tantrum in music.
(I actually
went to pour myself a sherry now at 16:00 of this day, celebrating being able
to ‘see’ myself. A new self.)
CHEERS!!!!
(Now I
hope to get all the pieces properly together – got it figured out so far and
then adapt them when I have time as they ought to be)
3 July
2016
Here I
am, ‘stole’ some time back at music and listened measure by measure to the
‘truth’ into which I began adapting the toughest song: “You Chose, Mama, Not
I”. Time signature of course changes to that of “Petals”, meaning adapting from
4/4 which is like a very neat brick house, very calculated, to 9/8 which is my
true story.
I lied
to myself. I didn’t want any passion in these 4/4 compo’s. And I hate neat brick houses. I’d rather live
under a bush or in a tree…..
This is the difference.....old and new/lies and TRUTH
Hope I’d
have more time soon again for music, it’s becoming very intense, it chases me
like nothing ever before.
LORD GOD
I cry! Hear me, I need solitude with You my Maestro. Everything that is
happening with Your Creation which I love so much is just falling apart. I cry
for the birds, the fish. I see so much and it is painful.
The
little sparrow… YOU know what I saw. I pray that others may see this, know
this, feel this, care about it all.