Scary Music

For many months I didn’t dare go back to some compositions I began earlier.

Its okay to have it all figured out and then fly away with it. BUT as I progress then and stop for a playback, I’d realize that the song is not what I originally thought it was going to be. And some make me really scared. I’d be listening to things that I’d never even dream about. Maybe I do dream about it when I am so fast asleep that I never even know about it.

And I can be fast asleep even when I’m wide awake and that’s probably where they slip out, trapping me.

I decided to listen to all of those on this second day of 2015, there are nine and they have different types of scariness, four of them the same type.

I’m still a bit shaky, yet I am also curious so it is going to be one very big fight inside me eventually as the control freak and free artist meet again on those little tracks…..

I do hope these parts of me can make their peace with each other, I don’t like the turmoil they create.

I wonder if people who study music and music composition learn about these things. I researched and couldn’t find anything.

But it helps to listen to other great composer’s work and hear what they say, providing that the orchestra narrates the actual story as the Composer intended. But I could also hear that some of them applied some control and were hiding something. The first time I became aware of this was a piece of Beethoven I listened to. He was terribly emotional and it was as if a whole movie was playing before me. Poor man, he was a bit p’d off as well as he spoke in that music.

*sigh* it ain’t so easy to know so much, yet understand so little.

I shall meet myself in full this year, be it sunshine or rain, I just have to do it. Get over it, learn to handle it, or rather, learn to handle myself.